I really don't like this chapter, but yeah, I don't know what else to make of it so I hope you guys do like it. Maybe it's just me, 'cause I don't seem to like much of anything today. And I just really hate to torture Zac and have him in the situation he's in currently. You get my drift.

Comment?

title - on the other side
genre - drama/romance
pairing - Zac/OMC
point of view - Zac Hanson
rating - PG-13 (due to some bad language)
betas - I am my own beta. Any and all mistakes are my own. If you happen to tumble across any feel free to inform me so I may correct them, thank you.
info - we follow Zac as he engages himself in his first ever relationship and watch as he fights for a love some think shouldn't exist, but couldn't feel more natural to him.

Previous chapters:
prologue - 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10
11 - 12 - 13 - 14 - 15 - 16 - 17 - 18 - 19 - 20
21 - 22 - 23 - 24 - 25 - 26 - 27 - 28 -

[ chapter 29 ]

Some extremely optimistic part of me hoped that it would all miraculously be better in the morning: that my mom would just ask me to tell her my whole story and that she’d just try to accept the whole thing afterwards, like Cayden’s mother had done. I really really wished it could be that easy, but I already knew it wouldn’t be. Cayden’s parents had never thought that he was sick or that he needed to see a shrink and I was pretty sure they had never compared being gay to murdering someone either.

My stomach was tied with nerves as I made my way downstairs for breakfast, though I was positive I wouldn’t be able to eat anything, I just couldn’t keep on avoiding the situation any longer. I knew I had to face my mom sooner or later, and I’d already been stalling it so it was already later rather than sooner.

I took a deep breath and pushed open the door. My heart was beating nearly as rapidly as it had been last night and I shuffled a little on my feet as my mom looked up at me from her sitting position at the table with a few books from Zoë and Mackie spread out around her, but the two were nowhere in sight. Just as I wondered where they were I heard a shriek coming from our yard where the two were having a snowball fight. Mom must’ve given them a study break – how convenient.

“Morning.” I mumbled softly as I made my way to the kitchen even though I still wasn’t hungry, but it was better than keep on standing stupidly in the doorway and have her glare at me.

“I don’t want a word of this nonsense to your siblings. You understand?” She asked without giving me any kind of greeting in return.

“Yes mom.” I answered submissively. I hadn’t planned to say anything to them for a while anyway, so I didn’t see the need to turn this into an unnecessary argument about how it would be my choice whether or not I was going to tell them considering it was my secret and not theirs. This wasn’t worth the fight.

“And you’re going to talk to someone as soon as possible. Your father is making an appointment today.”

This, however, did make my head snap up. “I told you I’m not going to see any shrink that you or dad picked out and I meant that.” I told her. I wasn’t going to waste my time talking to someone who had absolutely nothing to do with this and who would probably be even more narrow-minded as my parents were. With my parents I at least had the advantage of being their son, their flesh and blood. That had to give them a reason to try understanding where I was coming from. A shrink wouldn’t give me that much.

“Zac, you need help. Can’t you see that?” She pleaded.

“No, I don’t, because there’s nothing wrong with me. I’m happier now I have Cayden than I have ever been and neither you nor some shrink can tell me that that’s wrong, because I know better.”

“That’s only what you think Zac. That’s exactly why you need to talk someone. You need to realize that there’s something wrong in your head and a shrink can help you to figure out what exactly is wrong and how it can be fixed. You just need to get those ridiculous thoughts out of your head and stay clear of the person who put them there.” She argued.

“Cayden you mean?” I asked incredulously.

She didn’t respond in words, but her look said enough.

“I’ve known I’m gay since I was twelve, mom. I didn’t even know Cayden existed then. What I’m feeling and thinking has absolutely nothing to do with him, or with anyone else for that matter. It’s all me. This is who I am, who I’ve been and who I’ll always be and no shrink in the world can change that. You can’t change that.”

“But you can.” She said, very convinced of that.

“No, I can’t, mom. I already tried and I can’t. And the truth is that even if I could change it now I don’t want to anymore. I’m happy with the way I am.”

“You don’t know what you’re saying. How can you say you’re happy like this, when you know how wrong it is? You know that being gay is wrong Zac. You know that. We raised you to know that.”

“Have you ever considered that you might be wrong?” I asked her and I knew that I might as well have slapped her in the face. Being a mother was the most important thing in her life and for me to question her parenting was one of the most hurtful things I could do.

“I am not wrong.” She said sternly. “I didn’t make this up as I went along. The Bible says it’s wrong. Nature says it’s wrong. Why do you think two men or women can’t have children together? Why do you think it is gay people who get HIV? It’s nature saying it’s wrong. It’s God’s way of punishing those who disobey.”

I shook my head at her.

“I understand that you’re confused Zac. Life is confusing sometimes. That’s why you need to get things together again. You need to talk to someone before it’s too late. Do you really want to be a part of that scene? You know that nothing good ever comes of gay people.”

Her words stung almost literally.

“Maybe that’s because people like you won’t accept us.” I replied hurt.

“You’re in too deep to realize something is even wrong with this. I’m just trying to help you. I want what’s best for you and I know that this won’t make you happy. You might think that you’re happy now, but it won’t stay that way. This will drag you under.” She said.

“What makes you think that?” I asked.

“Because that’s just how it goes with gay people. They start drinking, doing drugs, sleeping around and before they know it they’re dying of AIDS. Is that how you want to end up? Because that’s not how I want you to end up. You’re better than that.”

I stared at her for a second. “I can’t believe you just said this.” I brought out. “Just because I’m gay doesn’t mean I’m going to lose it and start drinking and do drugs. We didn’t end up like Britney Spears either, even though we were really famous when we were young too. I’m gay, not stupid. I really have no intention of wasting my life with things like that.” I said hoping to make that clear.

“That’s what you say now. I’m sure that’s what they all said right before they lose it.” She muttered.

“God mom, are you listening to yourself? We’re talking about me here. You know me! I’m not like that. You should know that.” I really couldn’t believe all the things she was saying.

“If you’re thinking you’re gay and that it’s perfectly fine to be that way than I didn’t know you as well as I thought I did.” She said as she got up. “You are going to see a shrink.”

“I’m not. There’s nothing wrong with me.” I felt like shouting those words. Maybe it would get through to her then. I didn’t know what more to say to her to convince her that there was nothing wrong with being gay. I really didn’t know how to change her mind, or my father’s for that matter.

“You are going. End of discussion.” She said and called my two siblings inside so there was no room left for me to argue. I huffed in annoyance and practically stomped back up the stairs. I still wasn’t hungry. In all honestly I felt more like throwing up than eating. I really hated this situation and I hated it even more that it would probably take a long time before anything would change, if anything would ever change. I didn’t want to think of that, but I couldn’t help that thought from crossing my mind every once in a while.

I felt horrible and that didn’t get any better as my dad let himself into my room, where I’d been hiding all day, as soon as he got home from work.

“I’ve made an appointment for you this Friday at two.” He said.

“You shouldn’t have. I’m not going anyway.” I said stubbornly.

“You are.” My dad said.

“I’m really not.” I was sure I could keep on doing this longer than he could.

“I’m your father and I’m telling you that you are. Some things are going to change for you around here and seeing a shrink is one of them.”

I wasn’t impressed by his words in the least. “You can’t make me.”

“As long as you’re living under our roof I can make you do whatever the hell I want to. It’s obvious that we made a mistake in setting you free so much and that’s going to change until you’re well again. This means that you’re going to see a shrink to talk about your problems; that you can’t contact that boy in any way and that you’re grounded for the time being, with the exception of the time you have to spend in the studio with your brothers. You’re not leaving this house unless your mother or I are going with you.”

“That’s ridiculous.” I told him. “I’m twenty not twelve. You can’t ground me!”

“I can.” He said while he fished my cell phone from my nightstand and slipped it in his pocket. “And I’ll be keeping this for the time being.”

I looked at him incredulously. Was he serious?

“Oh, and dinner is ready.” He said right before he stepped out of my room, like I was hungry now. I couldn’t believe he had just grounded me and taken my cell phone. It really was ridiculous and they were crazy if they thought that these measures were going to change anything. It wasn’t like I was seeing Cayden each time I went out –he’s in Minneapolis for the hell of it!– and taking my cell phone really wasn’t going to stop me from calling him or contacting him some other way. Their new rules were annoying sure, but that was it. It wouldn’t make a difference.

I pushed myself off my bed to go downstairs for dinner, because I knew my mom would make a fuss if I didn’t go down and there was already enough fussing going on as it was.

The dining room was unusually quiet as I slipped into my own seat at the table. The rest of the kids must’ve noticed the tension that was flowing of off mom and dad, and probably me as well. Jessica shot me a questioning look, her eyes telling me she wanted to know what I had done to piss them off like this, but I just shook my head in reply to indicate I wasn’t saying a word and she glared at me in annoyance.

Mom started a conversation by asking everyone how their days had been and though there was some talking now it was also still incredibly uncomfortable and I felt relieved as we were finally excused an hour later. I filled the next two hours watching some TV with my siblings, feigning interest in the programs they were watching because I needed something to fill the time. The truth was that I wanted to talk to Jessica and see if I could get her to let me borrow her phone for a while, but I was scared that running right upstairs after dinner would be a little suspicious.

I casually announced that I was going to game some upstairs as Avery tuned in on a soap I really couldn’t stand to watch. I took my PlayStation with me and my parents didn’t argue. Gaming wasn’t a strange thing for me to do after all. Paranoid as I was, I did game for half an hour, but neither of them came to check on me so I figured it was safe. I snuck out of my room and knocked softly on Jessica’s bedroom door.

“Yeah?” The faint answer came from behind the wood and I slipped inside.

“Can I borrow your phone?” I asked putting on my sweetest big brother smile.

“Mom and dad told us we couldn’t. Why did they take yours anyway?” She asked.

I had to give mom and dad one thing: they were thorough.

“I can’t say. Mom’s orders.” I answered. “Just please let me borrow your phone. I just want to send two quick texts. They’ll never find out.”

She didn’t look convinced.

“I’ll give you ten bucks. Just please.” I nearly begged.

“Fine, but if they do find out I will insist that you took my phone against my will.” She said and held her phone out to me.

“That’s fine.” I ensured her and gratefully accepted it. I quickly opened a new text message and started to type a message for Cayden.

Hi its Zac. mom and dad took my phone so I cant call as much. Ill try though and I can probably email. Sorry about this. Theyre still not reacting great. I love you. And dont text back here this is my sisters phone. Ill try to call soon!

The message was beyond lame, but everything I had thought up sounded lame and I was too nervous about getting caught to change anything about it, so I just send it and opened another message to send to Kelsey.

Hi I told them and theyre not happy about. They took my phone and Im grounded so if you don’t hear anything from me for a while you know why. Try stopping by though? Maybe they’ll be okay with that. Love you Zac. Don’t text back its Jess phone. E-mail me!

Thankfully I was a fast typer and I was done sending both messages within a couple of minutes. I erased any evidence of them, because I knew Jessica was curious enough to want to check out who I had texted and what I had texted.

“Thanks. You’re the best.” I sucked up to her as I handed her her phone back.

“Sure.” She said as she rolled her eyes slightly. “I do want that money.” She added and it was my turn to roll my eyes, but I fished my wallet from my pocket and paid her the promised money.

“Thanks.” She said with a smile and tucked it in her pocket. “Now get out before mom comes to check. I swear she has a radar that goes off when we do something we’re not supposed to.”

“Right. Bye.” I told her and slipped back to my own room where I gamed a while longer before heading to bed. I had decided I would e-mail Cayden in the morning when mom was teaching Mackie and Zoë and when she thought I was still asleep. I felt horrible at the thought of sneaking around like that, but they really weren’t giving me much of a choice.

E-mailing Cayden wasn’t half as much fun as it was talking to him, but at least we could communicate. E-mail was also my way of communicating with Kelsey because my parents wouldn’t let her in the house, because they thought Kelsey was way too supportive of my ‘issue’ as they had started calling it. I felt incredibly secluded and I really started to miss Cayden up to the point where it hurt. I missed hearing his voice, because that was the one thing that had made being away from him bearable. And now that I had to defend my relationship with him every single day I simply started wishing he was by my side so I wouldn’t have to do this alone. It was incredibly hard and it didn’t get better as I downright refused to leave the house on Friday when it was time to see that shrink. I wasn’t giving in and that didn’t settle well with my parents and I really couldn’t care less at that moment, because their entire behavior wasn’t settling well with me either.

It really felt like an endless battle. They were telling me the same things over and over again in the hope that I would change my mind and in return I was telling them the same things hoping for them to change their minds. We were getting absolutely nowhere and the entire atmosphere in the house was ruined because of it. This was going to be one hell of a Christmas if things didn’t change soon.