justapicture

Christmas

2009-12-27T12:54:50Z

I've been terribly spoiled by Santa! Got a really pretty new MP3 player. A CD by The Script. And two books: phantasamnesia by Thomas Olde Heuvelt and Monkeewrench by PJ Tracy. I also got some cute candles in the shapes of Christmas balls. And I get to choose a new cover for my bed. I'm one very happy person right now. Hope you all got what you wanted too!

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whoop

2009-12-22T16:23:51Z

Hi. Remember me? Feels like it's been ages since I last posted anything. Just wanted to let you all know I'm still alive and kicking! Finally got holidays, so I get to have some time to myself. Love it. Especially with all the snow outside. It's magical and it makes everyone so much nicer when you're traveling by bus or train. Hope the snow will last until Christmas too. Would be epic to have a White Christmas. There hasn't been one here since 1981.

Anyway, I also wanted to let you all know that I need to do some serious catching up when it comes to all of your stories. Been dying to read all of them, but just haven't had the time. But I will soon! So expect comments ;)

Hope you all have a nice Christmas!

xo Sabrina.

proud mama

2009-12-06T16:19:58Z

That's right. I'm the proud owner of two lovely bunnies. Getting them has been a long and sometimes painful process, but now that they're here it's absolutely worth it.

So, may I introduce to you all:

Our lovely lady: Pippa. She's the cutest little thing.

and her entertaining partner: Fratsi. He's a real prankster that one.

and some pics of the both of them, because they're such a cute couple:

Watching them makes me too happy for words. I love them already.

So ....

2009-11-22T19:57:20Z

I could use some help. We're probably getting our bunnies next week. Finally! And I'm really excited, as you can imagine. But I still need a name for the male. They're coming from an animal shelter and his current name is Pratsi, which is not really what I want to call my bunny, but I haven't been able to come up with anything else either. So, does anyone have any ideas? The female is going to be called Pippa (she's called Philippa at the moment) and I would like something that matches with her name. Preferably something that starts with a P. So yeah, I need help.

Give it your best shot peeps.

justapicture @ 2009-10-18T11:52:00

2009-10-18T09:56:02Z

I ♥ Eskimo Joe.

That is all.

music meme

2009-10-09T13:55:00Z

Snatched from getupandgo_25

1. Which bands/artist do you own the most albums by?
Hanson.

2. What was the last song you listened to?
Withou You by The Feeling

3. What's in your CD player right now?
Radio:active by McFly

4. What was the last show you attended?
McFly

5. What was the greatest show you've ever been to?
It's impossible to say, either The Feeling, Eskimo Joe or McFly.

6. What's the worst show you've ever been to?
Mêlée

7. What's the most musically involved you have ever been?
Er, I play some bad keyboard?

8. What show are you looking forward to?
Eskimo Joe next weekend!

9. One song you can't stand?
Don't know the title, but it's with titiano ferro(?) and this female singer.

10. What is your favorite band shirt?
My Hanson sweater (granted it's not a shirt :p)

11. What musician would you like to hang out with for a day?
McFly, because they seem seriously fun, not too uptight.

12. Who is one musician or group you wish would make a comeback?
None really.

13. Who is one band/artist you've never seen live but always wanted to?
Relient K

14. Name four or more flawless albums:

The last two Eskimo Joe albums,
All albums of The Feeling,
Radio:active by McFly.

15. How many music related videos/DVDs do you own?
Two, and some bonus DVDs that came with the CD.

16. How many concerts/shows have you been to, total?
19

17. Who have you seen the most live?
The Feeling

18. What is your favorite movie soundtrack?
Er, Lion King maybe? Or Annie.

19. What was your last musical before you wisened up?
Ha, the 101 Dalmatians, believe it or not.

20. What's your guilty pleasure that you hate to admit to liking?
I'm not ashamed of anything .... music wise. I'm a Hanson fan for crying out loud.

books!

2009-09-05T16:25:39Z

I've bought a bunch of books yesterday. Any of you already read any of these?

snow blind - PJ Tracy
puppets - Daniel Hecht
heartstone - Phillip Margolin
the dead place - Stephen Booth
the rosary girls - Richard Montanari
thr3e - Ted Dekker (regretted not buying this last time. Glad to have found the last copy)
labyrinth - Kate Mosse (already read this and it was awesome so I needed to have it!)
the supernaturalist - Eoin Colfer (love the artemis fowl series. Hope this will be good too)
I am the messenger - Markus Zusak (super cool that I found this. I loved his last book; the book thief)
dracula - Bram Stoker (whoop! now I can finally read it. Stupid library didn't have it. I mean, c'mon, it's a freaking classic!)

picture post; london

2009-07-30T15:29:47Z

I'm back from London so I figured it was time for a picture post. I've had a great time. London is definitely the best city in the world (out of all the ones I have seen this far). Hope you guys enjoy the pictures!

Picture time!

London eye

Westminster Abbey

Tower Bridge

Piccadilly Circus

Wellington Monument

Tower of London

Big Ben

Skyline

British Museum

St. Paul's Cathedral

Random pretty building

writer's block - genious invention?

2009-07-18T08:00:21Z

Which modern invention do you think the world would be better off without?

Cell phones, for sure. I hate them and I hate people using them at inappropriate times and places! When I'm sitting in the train I don't need to hear a woman talk about how she and her husband can't get pregnant and how her cyclus is and how many times a week they have sex! Seriously! Do you know how many houses I could break into if I stole the keys of people who tell others their adresses over the phone. Smart? Not really! And friends calling and texting with their boyfriends while you're spending the day with them? Hate! People expecting me to pick up at any time and any place? No way. It's for emergencies only! Get over it!

justapicture @ 2009-07-15T12:53:00

2009-07-15T10:54:14Z

Awesome things I'll be doing within the next couple of months:

* going to London for four days with a friend of mine. I love London. Can't wait to see it again!

* going to see Harry Potter

* going to play tennis with my grandparents. Should be great fun.

* going bowling again. It's hillarious.

* going to see McFly and meet Bree. Super excited!

* going to see Eskimo Joe again. Should be awesome.

* going to see New Moon

I love my life right now <3

lolz!

2009-07-05T07:58:41Z

I was awake pretty early this morning and then I heard this strange sound that sounded like someone was pumping heat into a hot air balloon, so I crawled out of bed and went to my window and saw it was a hot air balloon that was coming pretty low over the rooftops. It was really awesome. So I was standing there watching it, in my nightclothes (which is a strap top) and then one of the guys in the balloons waves at me! It was a little embarrassing because I didn't think they'd be able to see me, but it was also pretty awesome.

Don't mind the weird squares. The picture was taken through wire gauze.

poetry

2009-06-06T18:07:38Z

These are some poems I wrote I couple of years ago.
Excuse the lameness, but I felt like sharing.

***

feel like crying
feel like dying
feel like lying helpless on the floor

feel like touching
feel like kissing
feel like missing you even more

feel like hiding
feel like moving
feel like running far away

feel like screaming
feel like dreaming
feel like never ever letting go

***

Spinning in the night
The truth, so far to find
Missing looks. Crowded places
A touch. A blink.
Then it was gone.
I’m sorry.
I had been wrong.

***

you say that I'm your best friend
that I know everything about you
and I guess that's really true
but have you ever wonder,
if you really know me too?

you talk and talk for hours long
and I listen to what you say
I nod and agree though what I really want
is to get up and walk away

***

There she was, in the middle of the crowd
People walking around her like a swarm of bees
Voices humming but her they didn’t see
She stood still as frozen in time
Everyone a place to go, a friend to see
But not that girl. No. Not me.
That girl in the middle of the station hall
With just one direction
Anywhere but here.

***

I've got this little message
that I want to send to you
but I don't know how to post it
or where to send it to

maybe I should write a letter
then burn it in the flames
so the wind can take the ashes
and carry them your way

maybe I should say a prayer
out loud or in my head
or I could paint a picture
and show that to you instead

or I could write a great song
with the sweetest melody
and blast it out the stereo
so all the world can hear

but whatever way I tell you
you know what I want to say
I have hope
and that hope is here to stay

forbidden fruit

2009-05-28T15:05:17Z

I've had this idea for quite some time. I even had a rough sketch ready and yesterday I decided that this little piece needed finishing. Et voilà! Here it is. I hope you enjoy it. Comments are, of course, appreciated!

pairing; Zac / Ivey
POV; Ivey
word count; 1336
rating; 16+
info; every move of his lips, his hands, his hips had me sliding further and further away from reality. It was like I was soaring; weightless and carefree, and I wanted it to last forever.

Even as I started to regain consciousness a part of me believed I was still dreaming. It was impossible for the feeling of those soft warm lips against the skin of my neck to be real. And yet I knew they were. The heat spreading through my body was too real to only be a dream and my heart thumped a little louder at the realization. After all the nights I had dreamed about this I could barely believe that it was really happening and I wanted nothing more than to surrender myself to him. But I couldn’t and I knew this, but even though I knew this it took me a lot longer to pull away from him than it should have.

“Don’t,” I muttered weakly, but he didn’t listen. Instead he brought his lips back to my neck and continued his trail of butterfly kisses that made my skin goosebump with pleasure. It felt incredible. Better than I anything I had ever dared to imagine. Better than anything I had ever felt before. But it was still wrong and once again I pulled away reluctantly. I slipped out of bed this time and quickly slipped on the robe I had dropped on the ground earlier that night.

I turned back to face him and his brown eyes looked at me almost desperately.

“Don’t tell me you don’t want this,” he said in nothing more than a whisper.

I sighed softly and took a careful seat on the edge of the bed. “I do want this and you know that, but we can’t,” I answered.

“Why not?” He asked. Though it was a question we both knew the answer to. I was ready to tell him again, but the words never left my lips. He had moved closer again and his hand moved softly across my cheek. I should have pulled away again, but I didn’t this time. I longed for his touch as much as he longed for mine and he was gladly taking advantage of it.

“Because,” I finally brought out in a stutter. It was all I could manage as his thumb rubbed gently over the soft skin of my cheek and his brown eyes stared longingly in mine.

That’s when he kissed me for the first time.

I know I should have pulled away. I know I should have stopped it right there, but I didn’t. I couldn’t. The minute his lips had touched mine all reason had slipped from my mind and I could do nothing other than kiss him back. His kisses were soft and tender and they resolved more and more of the little bit of resistance I had left. Soon I was like jelly in his arms, kissing him back with a passion I had never felt with anyone before.

How could this be so wrong and so right at the same time?

His lips parted and he softly sucked my bottom lip between his. A moan of approval left my mouth without my permission and my hands slid across his bare chest without a second thought. His arms wrapped around my waist in response and he pulled me closer before gently laying me down on the bed. My head sank back into the pillow as our lips stayed connected in the kiss they’d been waiting for for so long.

The weight of his body rested comfortably on top of mine and it only made me want him more. Even as his hands started to work the robe from my body I had no intention of stopping him. Every last piece of me was longing for him and the heat of our kiss told me he was feeling very much the same. We’d both been longing for this for so long and it was overwhelming now that it was really happening.

His hands slid under my tank top and over my bare sides sending a wild fire through my body as our lips continued the intimate dance they were involved in. My legs spread slightly and he thankfully settled down between them. It felt like he belonged there and my hips automatically moved up to meet his. His moved back into mine and my fingers dug into the soft skin of his back as a quiet moan spilled from both of our lips.

I was completely lost in the magic of the moment. Every move of his lips, his hands, his hips had me sliding further and further away from reality. It was like I was soaring; weightless and carefree, and I wanted it to last forever.

But it ended too soon. It always ended too soon.

His hips dipped into mine again and a loud gasp escaped my lips as I felt his hardness brush against me. He must have been in this state for a while, but I was only now realizing it and it burst the magical bubble like a needle deflating a balloon. I tried to stop the air from escaping, but the damage had been done. My conscious was gaining territory and I couldn’t push it back. I suddenly felt dirty and ashamed and I pushed him away from me for the third time this night.

I crawled back of the bed and kept a safe distance from him as I secured the robe tightly around my body. He looked at me desperately as he let himself drop down on the bed.

“You’re married,” I said softly. It was the too late response to his earlier question.

“I love you. Not her,” was his answer and I had no doubt he meant it.

“I know, but that doesn’t change anything,” it hurt to say these words.

“When I’m with Kate all I can think about is you. I want you Ivey,” his voice was soft, almost pleading and it was incredibly hard for me to turn him down, because I wanted him too.

“I know,” I said softly, “but I don’t want to you to be the guy that cheats on his wife. And I don’t want to be the girl responsible for it.”

“It’s my choice,” he murmured as he got off the bed and moved closer to me.

I moved away. I had to be strong now. “It’s my choice too. And I choose not to,” tears were burning in my eyes as I said the words.

He swallowed thickly and moved towards me again and this time I didn’t move. I couldn’t. I didn’t have enough strength left and I hoped with all my heart that he wouldn’t take advantage of it.

“I wish things were different,” he said softly.

“So do I,” I agreed quietly.

And then he kissed me again.

Softer and more tender than he had before and my arms wrapped tightly around his neck as his wrapped securely around my waist. Every fiber of me knew it was the last kiss we would share and I couldn’t stop my tears from falling. I couldn’t tear my lips away from his and we stood there, kissing like that, for a long time, until he broke away.

His cheeks were tear-stained too, but he didn’t bother to wipe them away. Instead he rubbed his thumb across my cheek to wipe away mine.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered and he kissed my lips one last time before he left my room through the door that connected mine to his.

My entire body ached in a way it never had before and the only thing I could do was crawl back into the bed and cry. Why did doing the right thing have to hurt so much? It shouldn’t have to be so hard. Love shouldn’t have to be so complicated and it wouldn’t have been if things had been different, but they weren’t. He was the forbidden fruit and I was Eve. I guess I deserved the pain for having a taste of it. I only hoped it wasn’t enough to condemn me for the rest of my life.

between everything and nothing

2009-05-22T21:01:36Z

These are some drabbles I've been working on and I thought I would share them. They're all written from the same female perspective and with a bit of fantasy you might find that they tell a short story.

pairing; straight
word count; 1300 total
rating; from all ages to 16+ (beware of lust)

Ritual

His keys hit the lock. I can hear the door open and it’s directly followed by the sound of his jacket and shoes being taken off. I know exactly what’s next. He’ll come into the kitchen and drop his bag on the chair we never use, before he’ll step up behind me and kiss me on the cheek. He’ll ask what’s for dinner, even though most of the time it’s visible in front of him and I’ll answer anyway. He’ll hum in agreement or grunt in disappointment. It’s our never changing ritual and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Intoxicated

“I think you’re intoxicated,” I state with a smile, his lopsided grin amuses me. “I’m not intro-,” he pauses, “whatever you think I am.” I chuckle. “Oh, I’m sure you are now.” He shakes his head like the child he turns into when he’s been drinking as much as he has tonight. “Am not,” he pokes his tongue at me for good measures. “Are too,” I tease back. “Am not.” He’s pouting now and I have him exactly where I want. “It’s okay, I still love you,” I assure him. That’s all it takes to bring the lopsided grin back.

Valentine’s Day

I’m relieved to finally be home. Throughout the entire day I’ve been longing to plop down on the couch, curl up against Jared and watch a plotless movie while munching on some take-out. The carefully set table and the delicious scents coming from the kitchen tell me that Jared has other plans. “Happy Valentine’s Day,” he says as he wraps his arms around me from behind. “It’s January,” I reply. “I know,” he assures me with a kiss to my neck, “but it’s more special when you’re not expecting it.” I smile and turn in his embrace. “Happy Valentine’s Day.”

Stubbed toe

A yelp escapes my mouth as I stub my toe against our new dining table. It’s bigger than the last one we owned and I continuously forget that little fact. I’m sure my toe is ready for amputation and I tell Jared as much when I hop into the living room, clutching my foot in both hands. He breathes a laugh which makes me glare at him, but he isn’t impressed. He knows all will be forgotten as soon as he pulls me in his arms and kisses me in a way that makes me forgot I even have toes.

Lust

I groan against his lips as he lifts me onto his lap. I move my naked hips into his equally naked ones and I can feel his arousal brush against me. It’s he who moans this time and it makes a wild fire spread through my limbs. There’s no sound that turns me on more than the sound of his moans and he gladly takes advantage of that. It doesn’t take long before I’m nearly begging to feel more of him. My body is aching and he’s the only one who can fix it. I know he won’t disappointed me.

Snuggle

“I love you,” he whispers as he snuggles into me once we lay comfortably in our bed. “I love you too,” I answer in a whisper of my own. His arms hold me tightly and his lips place lazy kisses in my hair. The warmth of his body and the safeness and comfort of his embrace already make me drowsy and I know I will be asleep within minutes. I know he’ll stay awake a little longer. He’ll watch me until he’s sure I’m asleep before he will close his own eyes and follow me into the land of dreams.

Afraid of the dark

“You look like you are hiding,” he says. The sudden sound has me nearly jumping out of my skin in fright. “I’m cold,” I lie, but my shaking voice betrays me. I am hiding. After having a nightmare I’m still afraid of the dark, but I’ll never admit it to him. I don’t have to, he already knows. He slips beneath the covers and wraps me in a safe embrace. His warm lips find my neck and his voice is a nothing more than a whisper as he says; “don’t worry, I’ll keep you safe.” And I know he will.

Different

It feels as though everything is different, though I can’t say what exactly has changed. I just know that things aren’t quite the same anymore. It’s a feeling I can’t shake off no matter how hard I try. It’s like there’s a distance between us even when we’re sitting together. There’s conversation and there are touches, but it’s not the same and I don’t know whether it’s him or whether it’s me who is causing this. I hope it’s me. That it’s only in my head and that it will pass, but I’m scared it won’t. I’m scared it’s him.

Humiliation

I’ve never been so humiliated in my entire life. A part of me can barely believe this is happening and the other part of me wants to scream and run, but I’m frozen on the spot instead. I can do nothing other than watch as they scramble for their clothes and listen as Jared apologizes over and over. I doubt he means it. He’s only sorry because he got caught. Caught with another woman. Another woman who isn’t me. I obviously wasn’t good enough for him and that’s what hurts the most, because he was always good enough for me.

Truth Revealed

“You weren’t supposed to find out this way,” he mumbles after we’ve both been quiet for a very long time. I’ve been too angry and upset to speak, he too embarrassed and guilt-ridden. I can see it in his eyes, but that doesn’t make it any better. “I find you in bed with another woman and that’s all you have to say?” I stare at him incredulously. “I’m sorry.”

We’re quiet again. He doesn’t look at me, he doesn’t try to fix it and I know the truth. “We’re over, aren’t we?” Tears are forming in my eyes. “I’m sorry.”

Love

After all this time I’m still not sure what love is. For a while I thought I had it figured out. Love as I knew it was comfortable and safe, easy and peaceful, sometimes practical and at other times illogical, but above all I thought love was meant to last forever. I guess that shows how naïve I am and how much I still have to learn. Love obviously didn’t mean the same to him. Or it did, except with her instead of me.

I still don’t know what love is, but I know all about having a broken heart.

Addiction

I’m mechanically popping pieces of chocolate into my mouth at regular intervals. I’ve already eaten half the bar, but I can’t make myself stop. The chocolate is comforting and I’m afraid I’ll start crying as soon as I stop eating and I don’t want to cry – not again. It feels like all I’ve been doing these past two weeks is cry and I’m done with it. Well, I’m not, but I want to be, which is why I pop yet another piece of the addicting brown stuff in my mouth. I’m going to have a problem when I run out.

Rejected

The cold wet nose of my newly adopted cat brushes softly against my hand. Another sob escapes me as I wrap my arms tightly around her. She presses her head against my tear-stained cheek and the salty drops melt into her soft fur. She doesn’t seem to mind and remains right where she is. She’s the sweetest cat I’ve ever come across and I can’t understand how her previous owners could have let her go, but I’m thankful for it. She gives me all the love I need. I guess that’s how we rejected things find comfort in one another.

tweet tweet

2009-05-16T13:06:04Z

I admit; I'm weak.

I have surrendered to the alluring powers
of the magical land called twitter.

Tweet.

justapicture @ 2009-04-28T18:11:00

2009-04-28T16:16:28Z

Why does it feel like everything is the same as it's always been
though at the same time it feels like everything is falling apart?

on the other side

2009-04-23T19:19:01Z

I've decided to stop writing this story. I feel like it's not going anywhere and I don't enjoy writing it anymore. Just thought I'd let you know in case anyone is miraculously waiting for an update.

Thank you to everyone who's been reading this throughout the years. It was fun while it lasted, but now it's time to properly end it, so there's only one thing left to say ...

The end !

I'm a lynx

2009-04-11T14:54:13Z

It's kind of scary how accurate this is.

You are a quiet observer of the world around you. Your wisdom comes from listening carefully.

You've always been extra sensitive and aware. And it's made it difficult for you to fit in.

You see past people's outward personas. You are able to penetrate a stranger's soul.

What you've learned about people is both beautiful and ugly. And you keep these secrets to yourself.

What big cat are you?

love this week

2009-04-05T08:15:34Z

This week absolutely rocked!

Why?

Because:

- the sun was shining a lot

- it was my birthday

- I got to pick a new bunny

- a friend of mine gave a party

- the concert of eskimo joe was incredibly awesome

- I have my birthday party today

english

2009-03-21T20:56:07Z

So, I'm in my second year of studying biomedical sciences and I really like it most of the time, but at the same time I'd really like to study something else too. The something else being English. I've never given much thought to that in High School, hence my choice of biomedical science, but now I really miss it - though I'm not sure you can miss something you don't do. I thought about doing both biomedical science and English at the same time, but it turned out it's impossible becuase of the very busy schedule we have with biomedical science, so doing both isn't going to happen. So now I'm not sure what to do. I don't want to quit biomedical science, but I still really want to do English too. I've thought about studying English after I finish my bachelor, but I also kind of want to do a master (possibly oncology), because it would feel like a waste not to do it and becuase I'm really interested in it, but doing the master will mean that I'll have to wait another 3,5 years before I can start studying English and I'm not sure I want to wait that long.

So yeah, major dilemma on my side.

What do you guys study? Do you like it? Or do you wish you'd chosen something else too?

And sort of random. I followed this English class Friday to see what it was like (I really loved it, hence this post) and there was this girl who was wearing a nanowrimo t-shirt. I didn't get to talk to her, but I thought it was pretty cool nonetheless.

And is it pathetic that I've been listening to always be from jimmy eat world all day?

on the other side - chapter 38

2009-03-01T17:06:18Z

Because my new reader gave me some motivation to write. And because I was bored.

title - on the other side
genre - drama/romance
pairing - Zac/OMC
point of view - Zac Hanson
rating - PG-13 (due to some bad language)
betas - I am my own beta. Any and all mistakes are my own. If you happen to tumble across any feel free to inform me so I may correct them, thank you.
info - the fear of the world kept us in, safe from the dirt and the sin and yes I'm terrified, 'cause when you’re out you know there's no return, but I love you and they're going to learn

Previous chapters:
prologue - 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10
11 - 12 - 13 - 14 - 15 - 16 - 17 - 18 - 19 - 20
21 - 22 - 23 - 24 - 25 - 26 - 27 - 28 - 29 - 30
31 - 32 - 33 - 34 - 35 - 36 - 37 -

[ chapter 38 ]

I found myself alone at the breakfast table with my brothers the next morning when Cayden discreetly left along with Charlie and Kent. Normally he would have stayed, but he knew I wanted to talk to my brothers alone and he needed to call his parents about our plans anyway. I was a little nervous about telling them, but no way near as much as when I’d been about to tell them that Cayden was my boyfriend. That was something completely unexpected, while moving in together was a pretty logical next step - at least I thought it was.

“There’s actually something I want to tell you guys.” I said.

Taylor looked up at me slowly. “I don’t like having these kind of conversations with you.” He stated.

“I know.”

“You’re not going to tell us that one of you is pregnant, are you?” Isaac teased and I chuckled despite myself.

“No. I’m saving that conversation for another time.” Taylor groaned at my words.

“What is it?” Taylor asked. I could tell he wanted to get this over with as quickly as possible. I wasn’t exactly sure what horrible thing he was expecting me to tell him, but it looked like he expected the worst.

“I asked Cayden to come back to Tulsa with me after the tour and he said yes, so we’re going to look for a place for us to live together.” I told them.

“Together?” Isaac asked surprised.

“Yeah.”

“That’s a big step.”

“Yeah, I know, but we basically spend the entire day together now and we’ve never had any problems, so I guess it’s not going to be much of a problem to live together either.” I replied.

“Sometimes people change though, once you start living together. I’m not saying it’s going to happen to you and Cayden, but there is a difference between spending a whole lot of time together and actually living together.” Isaac said and I knew he wasn’t saying that to talk me out of it, but to warn me, because this had once happened to him.

“I guess there’s only one way of finding out though.” I said knowing that if Cayden and I weren’t going to be living together now, we probably would some other time and then we’d still face the same problem.

“I know. I’m just making sure you know what you’re getting into.” Isaac said.

“Don’t worry about that. I’ve thought about it plenty and I’m ready for this. We both are.”

“That’s good.”

“Yeah.” I agreed.

“So, is Cayden coming back to Tulsa with us straight away?” Taylor asked. It was the first thing he had said about the whole thing, but he didn’t look incredibly upset, so I took that to be a good sign.

“No, we’re actually both going to Minneapolis for a couple of weeks to spend some time with his parents and get his things ready. We usually don’t do much the first few weeks we’re home so I figured it would be okay.”

“Yeah, sure.” Taylor agreed. “And once you guys come back to Tulsa?”

“We’re planning to stay in a hotel for a while until we find a place, which hopefully won’t take too long.” I said.

“And the fans? Are you going to tell them?” Isaac asked.

“Yeah. I don’t know exactly when, but I will tell them.”

“They’re going to freak you know.” Taylor said.

“I know, but it’s not like I’m going to be able to hide it from them forever. And it is my life, not theirs. If they can’t handle that I’m gay than that’s not really my problem.”

“What if we’re going to lose a lot of fans though?” Taylor asked. I could tell he was worried about that.

“Then we’re probably only going to lose the ones who didn’t really care about the music in the first place. My sexuality has nothing to do with that.”

“He has a point.” Isaac said. “If they care enough they’ll get over it and otherwise we don’t need them anyway.”

“I guess so.” Taylor agreed somewhat reluctantly.

“Just give us a heads up when you tell them and try not to wait too long. Now they know that Cayden’s gay, they’re bound to figure it out on their own.” Isaac said.

“Yeah, we know.” I assured them. “But you guys are cool about Cayden coming back to Tulsa with us?” I asked them - Taylor especially.

“Yeah, of course. It’ll be fun having him around too.” Isaac said.

“Yeah, it’s fine. The idea is a little strange to me, but I know it makes you happy, so it’s fine.” Taylor answered with a small shrug.

“Thanks Tay.” I said with a smile.

He nodded slightly and took another sip of his coffee. I was relieved with how well Taylor reacted to this. I had expected him to react worse, so this showed that he was really dealing with it and that he was trying to be okay with it, which was all I had ever wished for to begin with.

Convinced that everything between the three of us was still okay, I excused myself to go and find Cayden to find out how the conversation with his parents had gone. I wasn’t particularly worried about it, for the simple reason that Cayden hadn’t been, but I still wanted to know if his parents were as okay with it as Cayden had expected them to be.

I found him in our hotel room sprawled out on the bed while watching some old episode of The Simpsons. I plopped down beside him and he immediately shifted his position to welcome me in his arms.

“How did it go?” He asked as I nestled myself into him.

“Pretty good. Taylor seemed to take it all right.” I told him.

“That’s good.” He said.

“Yeah. How about your parents?” I asked him a little nervously. I loved his parents. I didn’t want them to be mad at me for stealing their son away.

“They could have acted a little more surprised.” He said with a soft chuckle.

“What?” I asked him, not understanding his amusement.

“They’d already seen it coming. They knew I don’t like being away from you so they already figured I’d go to Tulsa to be closer to you.” He explained.

“So, they’re okay with it?” I asked.

“Yeah. You know, as long as we visit every once in a while. And we have strict instructions to call at least once a week.”

“We?” I asked with a frown.

“Yes, we.” Cayden said with a grin. “She cares about you almost as much as I do.” He said pressing his lips to my cheek for a soft kiss, which combined with his words left me blushing and momentarily speechless.

“You’re lucky to have parents like that.” I said softly as I thought about my own parents who I hadn’t spoken to in months.

“Yeah, I know.” Cayden replied as he wrapped his arms a little tighter around me and pressed a kiss to my temple.

We sat there for a while. Each of us lost in their own thoughts. Mine about my parents, about his and about us moving in together. I figured he was thinking about much of the same, but I didn’t ask to check. Maybe he was just watching the Simpsons without thinking much about anything at all. It didn’t matter. I was happy sitting in his embrace and have him press his lips to random parts of my head every once in a while. Unfortunately it wasn’t long before our peaceful moment and my thoughts were interrupted by a knocking at the door.

“It’s open.” Cayden called out, as reluctant to leave our embrace as I was. Normally we separated a little when we were as cosy as we were now as soon as someone entered the bus or our room, but I guess they were going to have to get used to us being together like this at one point or another. I was just praying that it wasn’t Taylor who was going to step into the room as the door swung open.

I relaxed as soon as I saw that it was Isaac. He hesitated for just a second when he saw us together like this, probably wondering whether he was interrupting a private moment, before he continued into our room and plopped down on the edge of the bed we were on.

“I was thinking about what you said earlier,” he started, “and I was thinking that you guys should come and live with me when you come back to Tulsa. You know, until you guys find a place of your own.”He paused. “I mean, if you want.”

“We don’t want to be a bother.” Cayden said, stealing the words right from my mouth which left me nodding stupidly in agreement.

“You won’t be. It’s only a couple of months.” He said with a shrug. “And I don’t want you to have to spend a load of money sleeping in some crappy hotel while I have plenty of space. You can’t honestly say you’re looking forward to spending another bunch of months in a hotel.”

I glanced at Cayden and I found him looking back.

“Not really.” I admitted. “But you don’t have to do this because you feel like you have to.” I argued. I didn’t want to force him to be stuck with us.

“I’m not doing this because I feel like I have to, but because I want to. Mi casa es su casa, sort of speak.” Isaac said being the dork that he had always been.

I glanced back at Cayden and it went without saying that the thought of staying with Isaac was indefinitely better than the thought of staying in yet another hotel.

“Are you sure?” I questioned.

“Positive.” Isaac said with a nod. “If you guys can agree to one thing.”

“What’s that?” Cayden asked.

“I don’t need to see you two getting too intimate. And I don’t need to hear any bedroom noises and that includes loud music to try and cover it up.”

Cayden snorted, while I only felt embarrassed.

“I think we can manage that.” Cayden promised Isaac and I nodded in agreement. “We can always get a hotel room if necessary.” He added which caused me to look at him in shock. Just when I had thought I couldn’t be more embarrassed. Cayden laughed at my expression and I even heard Isaac chuckle. I was glad they were amused by my embarrassment - not - and I let out a soft humpf of annoyance. Cayden chuckled once more before he softly kissed my jaw, which meant the end of my annoyance, because I simply couldn’t stay annoyed with him when he was doing things like this to me.

I glanced at Isaac to see his reaction to Cayden’s little kiss, but he didn’t seemed to be bothered by it, only amused by watching us interact.

“Are you really sure?” I asked him.

“Absolutely.” He assured me.

“Thank you. We both really appreciate it.” I said and it was Cayden who was nodding his head in agreement this time.

“Anytime.” Isaac said with a smile before he stood up and left the room.

“I may have amazing parents, but you have a really awesome brother.” Cayden said as soon as Isaac had left.

“Yeah, when he wants to be.” I said with a smile.

He was right though. Isaac had been amazing about all of this from the beginning. Maybe a little awkward at times, but he’d always been there nonetheless. I wondered if he had any idea how much that meant to me.

the thing with feathers

2009-02-28T11:43:15Z

I love this poem

hope is the thing with feathers
that perches in the soul,
and sings the tune without the words,
and never stops at all,

and sweetest in the gale is heard;
and sore must be the storm
that could abash the little bird
that kept so many warm.

I’ve heard it in the chillest land,
and on the strangest sea;
yet, never, in extremity,
it asked a crumb of me.

- Emily Dickinson

kind of a girl

2009-02-25T12:04:36Z

I made some lyrics to the song.

oooh-wow-wow
oooh-wow-wow
oooh-wow-wow
oooh-wow-wow

she’s the kind of a girl you can’t get enough of (oooh-wow-wow)
she’s the kind of a girl you need to feel the touch of (oooh-wow-wow)
she’s the kind of a girl who can really shake up your whole world
the kind of a girl, the kind I never wanna let go

oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-ooohow-wow-wow-wow
oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-ooohow-wow-wow-wow

I had some time to kill, I had a lot to learn, yeah (oooh-wow-wow)
She said I heard you got a little money to burn, yeah (oooh-wow-wow)
She said she knows some things to do, some places we could go
The way she looks, I guess I kinda couldn’t say no!

oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-ooohow-wow-wow-wow
oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-ooohow-wow-wow-wow

And she took me by the hand
And she said she had some plans
And I tried so hard, but I didn’t quite understand
She knows just what to say, she always gets her way
And before too long it was clear as day
Stray was here to stay

(guitar solo)

she’s the kind of a girl you can’t take too much of (oooh-wow-wow)
she’s the kind of a girl you kinda had enough of (oooh-wow-wow)
she’s the kind of a girl who can really take up your whole world
the kind of a girl, the kind you wish you didn’t know

oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-ooohow-wow-wow-wow
oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-ooohow-wow-wow-wow

she’s the kind of a girl you can’t get enough of (oh-oh)
she’s the kind of a girl you can’t get enough of (ooohow-wow-wow-wow)
she’s the kind of a girl you can’t get enough of (oh-oh)
she’s the kind of a girl you can’t get enough of (ooohow-wow-wow-wow)
she’s the kind of a girl you can’t get enough of (oh-oh)
she’s the kind of a girl you can’t get enough of (ooohow-wow-wow-wow)
she’s the kind of a girl you can’t get enough of (oh-oh)
she’s the kind of a girl you can’t get enough of (ooohow-wow-wow-wow)

edit: I corrected a line or three after someone pointed out some mistakes. thanks.

tinted windows

2009-02-25T11:18:56Z

In my last post about tinted windows I wrote this: "I hope it will be different. Maybe something really upbeat with some mean guitar in it that makes you want to spin around your room, because you just can't sit still." I believe it safe to say that 'kind of a girl' succeeded to live up to my hopes and expectations. I'm incredibly pleased and I've been listening to the song practically non-stop since I got it. Listening indeed, because watching the band kind of gives me the creeps. Taylor looks odd with his hair and the way his legs move, and the rest of the band is just odd! It's the weirdest combination of band members I have ever seen. But it's all good, because they rock and that's what matters.

tinted windows

2009-02-22T10:40:13Z

I have to admit; at first I was shocked and prayed that it was some crazy joke, but the more I think about it now, the more excited I get. I think that this can turn into something really awesome. It will be really nice to hear something different from Taylor. At least, I hope it will be different. Maybe something really upbeat with some mean guitar in it that makes you want to spin around your room, because you just can't sit still.

I guess we'll have to wait and hear.